‘They/Them’ Has the Worst Movie Scene of the Year, Featuring a Pink Song

The Horror Genre Is Filled With Tropes That Are Designed For you crawl outthings that have been used for decades scare the audience, The fear of jumping, the face in the bathroom mirror, the chase scene – should I continue? It seems that there is nothing left to frighten us, that everything has been done hundreds of times. That is, until a movie dared to invoke the most terrifying thing: the self-empowerment anthem.

they them (or they slash them”) is the new slasher movie out on peacock on fridayBilled as “an LGBTQIA+ empowerment story set in a conversion camp”. It’s trying to bring some originality back to mainstream horror. In addition to some big names like Kevin Bacon, to lend itself credibility and attract a wider audience, it has a cast of entirely queer actors, a big step for a film produced by a major studio.

Its conversion camp setting is certainly one that can hold a huge amount of horror movie power; Conversion camps are so real, gruesome place Where bigoted, ignorant families send children for mental and sometimes physical abuse they are so broken that they “straightened up.” To set a slasher here, letting a killer loose on a camp counselor can be a stroke of genius if done correctly.

It is unfortunate, that in all likelihood they them Is ruined by a true misunderstanding of the paper-thin characters, nonsensical writing, and the real horrors that lie inside those camp gates. Even its masked killer doesn’t give a shiver. real scares they them Its serious scripts are found in, especially a scene I will never be able to shake. The only thing scarier than a conversion camp, where your fellow campers P! Let NK singalong begin.

During a poignant scene near the middle of the film, two campers, Jordan (Theo Germain) and Alexandra (Qi Tan), are openly discussing the hardships of young trans people and their experiences living after coming out. The scene is legitimately poignant, and made me think for a moment that they them There was going to be some worthy takeaways after all. And then, to my jaw-dropping shock, Alexandra started singing P!nk’s “Fuckin’ Perfect” for Jordan. Moments later, other campers join in one by one to make it a complete musical number.

oh how naive we were to think glee Gone and buried. The undead always come back for one last fear.

In case you didn’t know, “Fuckain’ Perfect” is a barrel-of-the-barrel self-empowerment anthem exclusively written by P! NK as a dastardly, chorus-heavy earworm. It’s full of barren, platitudinal lyrics (“Change the voice in your head / Make them like you”) and simple messages. An insidious attempt at connection.

I’ve spent a third of my life trying to avoid this song, dodging it on bad Pride playlists and Midwestern radio stations when I go home to visit my parents. so to face it they themWhen I had nowhere to run after letting my guard down after watching an emotional moment in the movie, it was like joining a horror movie of my own.

There is a special kind of chill that my body gets when I am experiencing unbearable secondhand embarrassment. They usually pop up in a movie theater when a trailer arrives that’s so incredibly stupid — or, on the other hand, meant to be so grand but totally misses the mark (Avatar 2!)—that my body can’t help but create a physical response to try to alert me to go into fight-or-flight mode. I was feeling cold from head to toe watching this scene. I practically passed out when a camper P! Climbed into bed to perform NK’s pseudo-rap poem.

I had to watch it several times to write the piece you are reading now, a task that seemed almost unbearable. I kept my Peacock subscription running for another month after the last episode real housewives ultimate girls trip season 2 bus so that i can access they them To write an accurate article once again on release day—Journalism is not dead, folks.

This scene is what some phobia practitioners might call immersion therapy, except I’m covered in a tank of snakes. And I hate snakes.

What is even more surprising is that they them Directed and written by John Logan, who has not only written great movies like Heavy rain And aerobatic, but is also openly gay himself. “I love that song, I love P!nk,” They told coming soon, “I wrote [the script] for the platform version of red mill, where we used P!nk, P!nk was very much on my mind.” That, my friends, is what we call gay fever dreams. We all fall asleep listening to Britney Spears or Toni Braxton, but the chaos they create in our subconscious has no place on screen, at least it doesn’t.

Plus, “Fuckin’ Perfect” P! NK’s greatest hits album, which is boldly entitled, Biggest hit… so far!!!, contains exclamation points. While I appreciate the intentional aspiration of that title and how it reads like a tweet I made into a state of frenzy, that album also has a little song called “Stupid Girls,” which is one of 2006’s most slut-shaming songs. Shameful song. So forgive me if I drink! I’m not one to sympathize with NK’s point of view, apparently leading a tumultuous life when one of the most popular songs in his music was hell-bent on tearing women down for shopping and dating.

Or what when P! NK came on stage at an event organized by the Human Rights Campaign (already suspected) and began his speech by saying, “I am gay… in fact I am not.” Personally, I think it’s great and fun to treat coming out like a silly little joke. Let’s throw in a couple thousand dollar movie royalties as a thank you.

I can think of half a dozen songs off the top of my head that would be a better fit for this scene. A short song titled “Bahadur” by Sara Bareilly. maybe something off born This Way, My God, even Britney Spears’ “Lucky” in the right context could have done the trick. At least it’s a song that makes the audience want to join in rather than moan. Those songs may not be any less awkward, but at least they are half-heard.

they them The needle doesn’t move. There is nothing new to say in this, and therefore, nothing to lose. It may have put its fictional campers in a conversion camp chased by a (terrible) masked killer, but when I encountered a seductively auditory assailant whose real name is Alicia Moore, I was in real life. was facing pressure. P!nk has been following me with this song for years, hitting the roof of my car every time I perform aerial acrobatics on the FM radio.

When they them Finally a spooky halt came and blackened, I thought I had escaped this nightmare world for good. No more weird scenes where counselors hook people up to electroshock machines and show them what you look like if you searched for “muscle man” in images from screensavers.com. No more bad haircuts and box-dye jobs. No more singalong.

And then there was one last jump: “Fuckain Perfect” playing over the end credits. they them I may not feel scared even once, but I will still have nightmares for weeks.

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